Faucet failure is not life-defining

Nothing makes me feel more inadequate than a public bathroom faucet. Waving my hands beneath the spigot in directions that emulate an airplane director does nothing. The water just does not come on for me. Standing in front of those 'secret camera' faucets, I seem to be invisible, unimportant, and certainly more stupid than the other 13 women that just washed their hands and left. The mirror and my hands reflect what I feel inside: Soiled goods.

What is your faucet failure story? Where do you struggle the most with feelings of inadequacy?

Is it in the kitchen, because your idea of cooking is a can of creamed soup while your mom tutored Rachel Ray? Is it in the bank, because your idea of balancing the checkbook means toggling between using paper checks and your debit card? Is it in the office, because your idea of conflict resolution means resolving to eat more kettle-fried potato chips? Is it operating a tool? Picking out an appropriate outfit? I would love to be able to nod understandingly as I hear where you find yourself feeling less than adequate.

As I spent time with a friend last week, we both agreed that we do not need anyone to point out the areas in which we find ourselves lacking. We already know and struggle with feeling like a failure over them. Whatever our successes may be, we do not see or speak to ourselves about them. Instead, we are our own worst critics, berating ourselves with words that we would not conceive of saying to another.

Listen to my self-talk over the years.The topics change, but the structure is the same. Can you relate?

• Teenage years: "My legs are so veiny--they resemble a topographical map."

• NOW I SAY: "The joy that I have comes out in my smile and that looks great!"

• 20s: "I am not smart enough to get that degree. Too much math."

• NOW I SAY: "Getting people to a place where they can think and communicate strongly motivates me. What career encompasses those skills?"

• 30s: "Karen and Doug's family is so amazing. Mine is parallel to being trapped in an elevator with the same song playing over and over again."

• NOW I SAY: "Imperfect people live here. I fit right in."

• 40s: "I can't believe that I am serving spaghetti for dinner for the 3rd time this month. And my sheets are so ready for the washer, they could stand on their own if they weren't so thin!"

• NOW I SAY: "There is a lot going on in my life. Thank God my family likes spaghetti!"

• 50s: "Another day of yelling at your children, Michelle? Do you even love your children?"

• I WILL BEGIN TO SAY: "Yipes! Anger is becoming my 'go to' reaction. Why?"

It is easy to dig into the trap of self-criticism and stay in the resulting hole of worthlessness. Condemnation of ourselves is where the shovel must be put down. There will always be someone who can do something better than us. I do not get better at being me by ridiculing me.

Let's agree that, if we would not say it to our neighbor, our sister or our BFF, we will not say it to ourselves. That woman you see in the mirror needs kindness as much as the woman beside you.

And if you see me in the bathroom looking chagrined, turn the faucet on for me and let's laugh about it together.

Ephesians 4:32: "... be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."