A time for hatred-I choose it

My husband and I had a fight this weekend. That's right. Some of it was a bit stormy too. My bff of 26 years and I did not have an idlylic weekend grilling steaks on the deck or taking the kids to the park to tumble on the ground together after a picturesque game of frisbee. Instead, we said words, thought thoughts, and spent more time alone than together....and that is OK.

Does that shock you? If so, which part? To hear that we actually had a quarrel without destruction, or that we actually admit to exchanging heated words? When did our culture come to believe that dealing with conflict means there are only two options: Violent protest or passive compliance? Bloody defiance or docile acquiescence? Do either of these options bring about the change or growth that we all want? Are those the only options? How are we going to grow and change in a healthy manner if we only have "destroy it" or "give up" as our options?

Dan and I are in the middle of some major life changes. While we have the same goal in mind, we both have strong opinions regarding what is the best method of achieving that goal---hence the heated conversation and subsequent time alone. Passion is not an enemy; it is a sign of personal investment. This intense passion is refreshing to find in a society that is often indifferent about so much. Among these life changes, there are some options that Dan and I hate. Why is it taboo now to admit that some things are not an option for us?

Hatred is a strong emotion which is not to be taken lightly, but also not to be thrown out as wasted road salt. Do I hate Dan? Let's not be ridiculous or hyperbolic at best. Not only is he my husband of 26 years, he is my brother in Christ and hatred toward another person is never tolerable. In fact, we should "hate" moments when hating any person is seen as an acceptable option (1 John 3:14-15). However,it is equally unbibilical when any organization is only given subservient compliance as an option. God hates and so should we.

• We should hate falsehood (Ps 119:63) .

• We should hate divorce (Mal 2:16) .

• We should hate evil ( Ps 97:10).

We can see that there is a time to hate (Ecc. 3:8 ), so why do we embrace only the other extreme?

*While I know that there are often scenarios where such things as divorce or lying is the preferred option to other more despicable options, looking at these options flippantly is not the answer. God hates them and so should we.

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Our society needs believers of all ages who reject Jerry Springer-style rebellion without replacing it with domesticated animal submission. The pendulum extremes for both are unacceptable. Instead, we should keep our heads and tempers in check when things get heated, while being conscious not to bury our desires and angles in the name of peace. One option results in devastation from the outside; the other results in rottenness germinating on the inside.

It is Monday morning after some silent hours in our home. There are no broken bowls; however, there is no buried bitterness either. Do Dan and I both wish that things were different this past weekend? Perhaps...but we both feel more secure knowing how invested each of us are in our life changes as well as understanding what options will stay open and which won't. We have grown through our storm.