Can we revisit what is ¨normal¨?

Can we revisit what is “normal?”

As an English teacher I am well aware that the meanings of words ebb and flow as times change. During my tenure I would remind students that words they come across might have a different purpose, understanding, or imagery today than they did when the author wrote them. C.S. Lewis gives a wise example in the following quote from Mere Christianity:

"The word gentleman originally meant something recognisable [sic]; one who had a coat of arms and some landed property. When you called someone "a gentleman," you were not paying him a compliment, but merely stating a fact. If you said he was not "a gentleman" you were not insulting him, but giving information."

Meanings change. I get that. Yet sometimes, a misused word can permeate a culture so pervasively that an entire paradigm shifts. Such a shift has happened with the word "normal."

• An exhausted mother deals with a screaming toddler in the cereal aisle. A matriarch from another generation, in a generous effort to encourage the weary parent, speaks words of quicksand. "Don't worry, honey. That's normal for that age."

• A young newlywed couple, inexperienced in perpetually giving themselves to one another, pierce each other with wounds of shame and degradation. They read online that newlyweds quarreling heinously is "normal.”

• The door of the church opens and in walks a skimpily clad girl. People refrain from encouraging this young woman to a higher standard, believing that this behavior is "normal” for kids today.

Consider this: If these examples are normal, what hope is there? The mother is destined to fatigue and frustration. The newlyweds are programmed to continue emotional and spiritual carnage. The young woman will accept the lie that her identity is the attention she gets and gives based upon her appearance. This cannot truly be “normal,” can it?

Normal is not interchangeable with typical.

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Could it be that our culture deems what is typical or frequent as acceptable or even expected…simply because it is pervasive? What is more disappointing is that we have changed our standards for "normal" only in terms of human behavior.

• Delayed flights at Atlanta's airport may be typical, but being hours late is not thought of as normal.

• Power going out in the midst of a Florida lightning strike may be typical, but being without power is not thought of as normal.

When dealing with flights and lights, it is easy to be flippant with our definitions. But when we are addressing behavior, the impacts are far-reaching. Casually responding "That's normal" regarding behavior comes paired with the subtle "Ignore it.” That means the behavioral issue is never addressed.

• The toddler does not learn self-control, resulting in more insolent behavior.

• The newlyweds abandon seeing their marriage as a sanctuary, resulting in them seeking intimacy through other activities.

• The insecure young female finds herself fulfilled by flattery at best and betrayal at worst, resulting in a pattern of self-destructive behavior.

This is what happens when we accept what is typical as the standard for what is normal.

Normal is not the same as typical.

The etymology of “normal” is from the Latin root normalis (in conformity with rule) from “norma,” which is a carpenter's square used for creating right angles. Without a carpenter's square, one cannot build a solid, stable house. Therefore, normal is the rule or standard.

These examples may be typical, but they are not normal. In equating normal with typical, we lower our expectations and cheat ourselves and others of potential. We can and must do better.

If “normal” is the standard…

what we are intended to do

and who we are intended to be is what is normal.

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A properly understood definition of normal gives us guidance and a plumb line for relationships.

So, what can I do to restore the definition of normal in my life?

When parents ask me if rebellion is normal for their teenage children, my counsel will be, "Let's pray for wisdom together. That behavior is not who they are intended to be or how they are intended to act."

If my children whine and cry when they do not get their way, my response will be, "Honey, I know that this is not the first time you have done this, but it is not normal. What can I do to stop this abnormal behavior?"

Instead of jumping off the deep end if my house is not clean when I come home (a typical event and my typical reaction), I will endeavor to act in a normal fashion, demonstrating self-control and perseverance.

Don't we all want to be NORMAL? Don't we all desire to walk as intended?

In acknowledging that what may be typical behavior may not be normal behavior, we can consciously or subconsciously remind ourselves that substandard is not our Creator's plan for us. Therefore, we can reach higher and achieve more. That is being normal.

Colossians 2:10

“...and in Him you have been made complete.”

Philippians 3:12 “Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus."